I hate to gamble.

Book something to look forward to my oncologist said.  If i didnt have bad luck, I'd have none.  I have been putting this post off for quite some time.  Maybe I am still reveling in that post Cancun glow.  But here is what's been going on, the good, the bad and the ugly.

While in cancun I became sick.  Something was going around the resort while we were there as the last day all of the staff were wearing face masks.  Now, because I was a girlscout and always prepared, I brought Covid Tests for all of us to take upon our arrival back into the States.  They were all negative.

The first few days back I went from just sniffing to full on cold, took 3 more tests, all negative for Covid.  I then saw my primary and got tested for Covid (pcr) and FLU A&B...which also all came back negative.  I then went from sick to severe back pain, thinking it had to be a kidney infection, I went to Ready Med, nope, just back spasms they say.  (It's awesome getting older...🤦🏻‍♀️)  At this point, I've now missed two weeks of classes.  I can't tell you how much undo stress this is creating for me at this point.  I am now so behind in schoolwork.  

My oncologists office calls me for a completely unrelated matter.  (I am pleased to report that I will be the new "spokesperson" for Mass Generals CAR-T Cell Therapy Transplant Marketing😀) And they ask me what's going on.  Within the hour I was in Marlborough at my local oncologists office, I had a chest xray, Bloodwork and gave "samples" because of my traveling outside of the USA.  Everything came back again...with nothing.  Final diagnosis was a Viral Infection that had to run its course. That was Wednesday.  

Thursday I woke up sick again, also, Spencer tested positive for strep.   Also, after hearing about a friend's daughter in law beating breast cancer and then dying from Covid just a week later, I panicked and called my Oncologist in Boston.  Within 5 minutes my oncologist called me on his walk into the office with my options.  (He really likes me...I must have gotten bonus points for that congratulations card I sent when he got married.)  I'll be honest...none of which I liked.  MGH is loaded with Covid patients right now, which is not even remotely safe for someone without a spleen, post CAR-T Transplant.  So...needless to say we settled on this.  Monday morning I am going into Mass General for an IVIG Transfusion.  Now, if you don't know my biggest fear is this.  Human blood.  When I almost died last year at UMASS, they gave me a bag of whole blood and my fever spiked to 104 in under 5 minutes...I am terrified 😨 of this happening again, especially with no spleen.  Unfortunately, this isn't the worst news.  Having a blood transfusion is, sadly, my only option at this point to feel better.  The risk is that receiving the IVIG transfusion may "undo" the rest of the benefits of the CAR-T Cell Therapy Transplant.  

This decision was not made lightly, but unfortunately, it also means that any potential benefit of my "superman" cells continuing to duplicate ends Monday.  To say that I am devastated is an understatement, I legit did everything right.  😪 This is seriously so hard for me, and I am so upset about it that all I can do is cry.  Well that and eat.

I am just tired.  Tired of feeling sick and taking medication and completing drug trial paperwork, getting kids to soccer, baseball, play practice, going to school myself, MD Appointments or even driving the kids to Subway because they dont like what I bought at the grocery store to eat.  ...living "like this" is exhausting.  One week in Cancun wasn't long enough. 

So please send your prayers for a seemless next few weeks because we are sadly not even into flu season yet and I can't take much more. 😢